Smart Alec is the wise-cracking leader of the bird patrol. He speaks in a New York accent. He hates when his minions laugh and keeps reminding them to avoid doing so as much as possible. This makes him the most deciplined of the bird patrol, for he has more control of his laughter. His weapon is a green laser revolver. He also used a switchblade to threaten Brandon. He is the third member to die, but not because he lost control of his laughter, but because he pointed out an error in the lyrics of the song Brandon used to "entertain" the bird patrol and ended up being kicked in the jimmy and sent flying into a vat of the dip. When he died, his spirit didn't rise (because the dip dissolved it, too).